Time just goes. It's a fact. Sometimes it passes slowly, and sometimes it travels at warp speed. (I'm in a state of 'warp' these days) My sister came up with a great definition for the word 'time'...
'a constant, that acts like a variable'. How clever! A minute is always 60 seconds. An hour is always 60 minutes. A day is always 24 hours. And yet, no two minutes, or hours, or days, are ever the same. We can't change the passing of time. It's not possible. We can not go back in time, nor venture into the future. And although they appear in movies, I'm pretty sure time machines will never come to fruition! (hope this doesn't break anyone's bubble...) So how do we cope with this 'variable constant' called time? I guess we just have to embrace it, treasure it, and remember it. Kind of my new mantra.
As for my heartstrings... well, they've been tugged on a great deal over the past few weeks.
When Sam left home to start out on his own, I felt an instant emptiness inside. A deep, to the core, sense of loss. A normal 'mother thing' (if there is such a thing as 'a normal mother thing'!), but one that was hard to adjust to. In the end, a feeling of excitement for him, a sense of accomplishment for his father and I in having successfully raised him to this point, and... knowing he was only 30 minutes away (!), made this new phase of my parenting life 'okay'. And now my firstborn is a young man, finding his way in the world, and he continues to be a joy in my heart.
A few weeks ago, we took Julia to New Brunswick... and came home without her! No, we didn't abandon her. We just delivered her to the doorstep of her dreams. Alberta born, but a Maritimer at heart, Julia has waited, (somewhat patiently ?!), to return to her beloved New Brunswick. Her countdown is now over, and the time has come. Into her 2nd full week of classes at St. Thomas University, settling into residence living, and meeting a plethora of new people at every turn, she is firmly standing on the first stepping stone to what will be, without doubt, a rich and colorful future. Her Dad and I are so excited for her.
However, leaving her in New Brunswick, and flying home alone, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do as a mother. (Kleenex stocks rose sharply that day!) My head knew how wonderful this all was for Julia, not so much my heart. It ached. Still does. And I still feel a pang when I remember that October day when Sam left home. But when I stop to breathe, and grasp for calmness... I know this ache is actually a thing of beauty, for it means I love my children. And I do, with all my heart.
Life at home now, is certainly different. It's 'Empty Nest' time. It was always coming. The day we became parents meant an 'empty nest' was on the horizon. I just didn't know it would come so quickly. I think I have harbored some trepidation about this time in my life, and have actually been in a bit of a daze now that it is here. (Basic survival mode I'm thinking!) But the passing of a few days, the knowledge that Julia is settling in and coping marvelously with her new life, visits from Sam, comforting hugs from my hubby, and slurps from Heidi, have brought me back from the brink. And I have decided 'no empty nest' for me!
Nope... my nest will never be empty because my heart is full of love... for my husband and my children. And no matter where they are, no matter where they lay their heads at night, home will always be waiting for them. I will keep it warm and cosy, and ready at a moment's notice for a quick visit or a 'come and stay awhile'. Memories will be ever present, even as the future unfolds each day. I look forward to untold adventures with Paul, and to seeing Sam and Julia blossom into happy, healthy, hopeful, and helpful, individuals. My heart soars.
We have so much to look forward to... I just need to stop crying so I can see it all!
Keep on keeping on... bArB :)
